(no subject)
Aug. 16th, 2018 07:52 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
weesawwork continues to be work. we're in this cycle of:
-i get no support
-i get too overwhelmed with everything
-i start to miss things or people have a problem with my tone in emails
-i get told i have to tell them when there's too much on my plate, thus putting all of the blame back on me
-things are good for a couple of days
-i tell them there's too much on my plate again
-i get no support
-etc etc etc etc etc
i am just extremely sick of it. i have never wanted a demotion so much in my life, but i'm interviewing for a position that's a pay grade below my current one next week and i'm ready to cast spells, reblog all those dumb good luck posts, pray, whatever to get it.
-----
i talked to my therapist a lot about m. and college and being scared that everyone will wake up one day and hate me. i try not to say that shit out loud, but i told her that too. the last time i put that fear out into the universe it came to be, and i survived last time, but idk if i would this time.
after that i talked to kl a lot over tacos, about therapy and sara and everything else under the sun. i still don't know what i'm going to do without her. who else can i im and say "hey let's get tacos at 7pm on a tuesday" and not only will she show up, we'll be out for a few hours and it will all feel so EASY.
i feel known when i'm with her, and i don't want to lose that.
i mean, i won't lose that. 1300 miles aren't enough to take that away, no distance is. but i want her here nonetheless.
-i get no support
-i get too overwhelmed with everything
-i start to miss things or people have a problem with my tone in emails
-i get told i have to tell them when there's too much on my plate, thus putting all of the blame back on me
-things are good for a couple of days
-i tell them there's too much on my plate again
-i get no support
-etc etc etc etc etc
i am just extremely sick of it. i have never wanted a demotion so much in my life, but i'm interviewing for a position that's a pay grade below my current one next week and i'm ready to cast spells, reblog all those dumb good luck posts, pray, whatever to get it.
-----
i talked to my therapist a lot about m. and college and being scared that everyone will wake up one day and hate me. i try not to say that shit out loud, but i told her that too. the last time i put that fear out into the universe it came to be, and i survived last time, but idk if i would this time.
after that i talked to kl a lot over tacos, about therapy and sara and everything else under the sun. i still don't know what i'm going to do without her. who else can i im and say "hey let's get tacos at 7pm on a tuesday" and not only will she show up, we'll be out for a few hours and it will all feel so EASY.
i feel known when i'm with her, and i don't want to lose that.
i mean, i won't lose that. 1300 miles aren't enough to take that away, no distance is. but i want her here nonetheless.
