weesaw: drawing of a "do not disturb sign" next to text that reads "there are days when i wish i could wear one of these around my neck" (do not disturb)
[personal profile] weesaw
i can't believe tomorrow is a year since we lost her. i can't believe it's been a year since she laughed, since she smiled, since she made this world a little bit brighter and a little bit louder.

will i ever stop thinking "i was going to see her in TWO WEEKS. two fucking weeks! and instead i never get to see her again"? nothing short of death could have kept her from coming to con.

i took for granted that she would always be there, because i couldn't fathom a world in which she wouldn't be there. i never told her how much i loved her, how i loved how loud she was, how you couldn't ignore her, how she made everything an adventure. how right from the first time i met her i felt like we had been friends forever and would continue to be friends forever. her enthusiasm was always so contagious.

i im her sometimes, to tell her how much this sucks, as though she is unaware. i know wherever she is, she is just as angry and sad and missing us. i hope she watched us on that roof last year, getting drunk and talking about how amazing she was and singing gay pirates at the top of our lungs. i hope she sang along.
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December 2018

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